


I Should've Walked Away

by framby



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, M/M, Self Harm, inspired from a picture on tumblr, self hatred, where every words you speak is immediatly written on your body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 01:33:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/framby/pseuds/framby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine a worlds where the words you speak appear on your skin. Would you be more careful of what you say?<br/>Inspired by this <a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/s720x720/1011136_485302384891214_2079114963_n.jpg/">[x]</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	I Should've Walked Away

It doesn’t matter what you say or who you say it to. Every word, every comma, every silence gets written on your skin. Everything is inked on your skin, bones deep, permanent and for everyone to see and read every little thing that escapes your mouth.  It’s tempting to stare, to get closer just to be able to read what’s written on people’s bodies and the ones who don’t have much conscience do it, but not Blaine. Not that he isn’t curious, but people fear him and because of this fear, people tend to avoid Blaine, at all costs.

He knows why, it’s because some people read what’s written on his body. Some words are easier to read than others, because he shouted them or because he said them over and over again and they got bigger on his skin. Where some people have beautiful words written all over their skin, Blaine is wearing ugly and spiteful words.

LIAR

DISGUSTING

PIECE OF SHIT

WORTHLESS

DIE

Those words are the biggest on Blaine’s body and they often travel between his arms and his neck. Blaine tried to hide them at first, until someone saw them and he started to get this image of a bad boy, and everyone started avoiding him because they were afraid of how and when Blaine was using those words. So Blaine stopped trying to hide those hideous words and instead he let his neck and arms be bear, for everyone to see and read those five monstrous words that grew bigger with each day that passed.

It is easy to imagine in which occasion Blaine could have said those words. While beating someone smaller, or just as an insult. People often spread rumors about how Blaine got those words on his body and Blaine hates them for that. Hates all those people who go around wearing pretty words on their skin, not because they are nice people, but only because they are cautious of how they use their words.

Words are written on your skin, not the tone of your voice or the look in your eyes. All those words written on your skin mean nothing because there is no context to it, no nothing. It means nothing but it scares everyone.  Because image and reputation are such a fragile thing and all those words participate to create you and your reputation. It’s such a farce, Blaine thinks.

It only takes few hours to notice the new boy in school. Blaine doesn’t care anymore about newcomers. He knows that within minutes the boy will find a gang to hang out with and that within hours he will be warned not to approach him, because Blaine Anderson is trouble.

Blaine stares at the boy before turning on his heel and walking toward the bleachers, to hide under them. He brings a cigarette to his lip and lights up. He doesn’t like smoking, he doesn’t like smelling like an ashtray, but it is part of the persona. He has to give the change to be left alone in peace. This is not him, it was never him, but because of the words on his body it’s who people think he is, and people fear him because of what they think. Being feared is better that being beaten up, and if a leather jacket and a pack of cigarettes can help him stay safe, than so be it.

Blaine lets the cigarette consume itself while he holds it between his lips.

Blaine scans around quickly to be sure that none of the Skanks are around and take the cigarette out of mouth to throw it away, before bringing one of his arms near his mouth and starts whispering.

“You’re worthless. No one is ever gonna want you, just look at you. You’re disgusting; you’re lying to everyone and to yourself. You’re just pretending to have your shit together but you’re just better at hiding it. You’re disgusting, you hear me? Disgusting. Can’t even make one friend and look at you, so fucking miserable. You look like a piece of shit, whispering to yourself. For what? Huh? You disgust me, I want you to die, just die already!” Blaine finishes in a shout, seeing the words inking themselves as he speak.

He doesn’t cry, not this time. He used to, the first few times he did it. He cried himself to sleep after it. Because at first he only did it in the security of his own room, secluded and only for him to hear what he was saying to himself. Because Blaine believes everything he says to himself, every single word, every single comma, every single silence. He believes everything and he used to repeat this to himself every night until it wasn’t enough anymore. Until he needed to hear those words more and more, until they got so big that he couldn’t hide them, until the words didn’t feel like razors slicing his skin.

Blaine uses the words so much that he doesn’t even felt the rush of adrenaline that accompanied them at first anymore, he is left with nothing but the hatred he has for himself as his only companion. And more and more Blaine gets the urge to say those words to himself during the day, during class. He needs to hurt himself, to know where the hatred comes from, to control it and to decide when he gets hurt and why. This is how Blaine got under the bleachers, telling to himself all those things, yelling them sometimes. Because he doesn’t know how to deal with everything around him anymore, and the words he inks on his body are the only way for him to do something, even if he knows he is destroying himself, he has no one to stop him, no one to help him, no one to see past those words on his skin. Those words are becoming his best friends and tormentor, quite the Stockholm Syndrome.

Blaine spends the rest of his day muttering things to himself, and looking at his body getting inked every time he opens his mouth. It is mesmerizing, hypnotizing and it take his mind off reality. So why stop, really?

He doesn’t notice the tall and lean boy walking under the bleachers and coming near him. He doesn’t see that he isn’t alone as he perpetuates the hatred he has toward himself and makes sure that every word he pronounces gets inked on his skin.

“Isn’t there better words to describe yourself?” Blaine jumps in surprised before glaring at the boy.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine asks, standing up and marching right to the boy, invading his personal space and smirking at him. “Didn’t people warn you about the big bad Blaine Anderson, gorgeous?”

The boy doesn’t say anything, instead he take his time to study Blaine and to read everything that is written all over his neck, cheek and ears. The boy doesn’t try to hide the fact that he is reading, Blaine can see his eyes following the sentences spread on his face. Blaine stands there, stoic as he let the other boy read him. He doesn’t care, everyone reads what is written on his body anyway, it would just help in pushing him away faster.

The boy takes his time, and Blaine tries not to squirm under the heavy gaze of the other boy. He is used to being glared at, but this, this is contemplation, and Blaine isn’t use to this.

“How come no one ever noticed that there isn’t any name on your body?”

“What do you want exactly?” Blaine asks back. No one ever noticed anything about what is written on his body, no one ever talks to him or so much as looks at him. They read him, sure, but they doesn’t look at him.

They stare at each other for a while, gauging each other but neither of them flinch. Blaine has to look up to meet the other boy’s eyes but he knows better than to be afraid of someone because of their height.

“I’m also sporting some pretty nasty words on my skin.” The blue eyed boy in front of Blaine says after a while. Blaine doesn’t dare looking at the boy’s cheek. He doesn’t want to read what is written on them. “You can read if you want to.”

Blaine lowers eyes to the pale boy’s cheek, seeing sentences written all over it  and continuing on his neck before disappearing under the collar of his vest, he sees few words slightly bigger than others right under his eyes but what catch Blaine’s eyes is the sentence written on the boy’s jaw line, from the boy’s ear to his chin.

_I won’t judge him just because of few words written on his body. People are more than the words they speak._

Blaine reads the sentence over and over again, not sure who this is about, or in which situation the new boy could’ve said it, but he likes it, he likes thinking that he can be more than the words he puts on himself.

“I’m Kurt Hummel, by the way.” The new boy offers his hand to shake and Blaine takes it. “I use my words to keep people away.” Kurt explains again, towering Blaine. “My words are not aimed at myself. I usually threaten and insult other people.”

“You shouldn’t be here.” Blaine warns, knowing that he can’t keep the persona on for too long. Because it isn’t him, and he usually just need to snarl at people to be left alone. But Kurt doesn’t seem impressed at all, and he has a way of looking at Blaine, like he can see right through all the words and the walls. Blaine feels bare in front of Kurt and he can tell that Kurt is the stronger of them both. He is more solid and steady than Blaine is ever going to be.

“There are lots of things people shouldn’t do but do anyway. Either by stupidity or courage.”

“Talking by experience, Hummel?”

“Observation.” Kurt corrects. They don’t know each other and they don’t have much more to say to each other.  Kurt nods to himself and turns on his heels, walking back to the school.

“See you around, big, bad boy Blaine Anderson.” Kurt jokes before disappearing.

“Interesting.” Blaine says to himself, and the word slowly replaces another on his cheekbone, right where everyone will be able to see it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and say hello: [tumblr](http://framby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
